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The Adrenaline Runs Quick When The Queen Enters

of regal concern...

of regal concern...

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my girl
So how many beginnings does one woman get?

a woman, a woman, and yet my inclination was to ask after the beginnings of a girl. my feminist learnings have explained the less-than notion of a girl and bette davis certainly illustrated the grotesque of clinging to girlhood against growing old, dear baby jane. I continue to struggle.

Perhaps it is dramatic of me to struggle. It likely is. This sortve one foot into woman, the other to girl, this lingering in a transitional phase could be lethargy. afterall it is a struggle most experience several times through life. ages 3 and 4 and 6 and 12 and 16 and 18 and 21 and 29 and 39 and 50 and 70 and 95 if blessed. I grow old. I grow old with eliot nostalgia and also I live in the future. The world of tomorrow came true in my lifetime.

I look back and admire my beauty, though at the time i seldom see it and if i do see it it is never seen as fully, as completely as it is. I look back. A child of the past, I gather it to me, wrapping it about my pretty skin: memories, lovers, music, books, films, paintings, stories, words, touch... I keep you all, drawing you to me again, those of you who will come, those of you that have always been, I keep you.

It shouldnt be a wonder then that I keep all my ages inside of me. All of my ages to be loved at once, treasuring the smallest...

and yet

and yet

and I blame 40s starlets for this

I long to be ... woman.

So anyway, instead of struggling I ought to embrace. Of course I am the princess, I dont need to do away with the princess to become queen. I have always been queen. I am edwardian, grecian, creole, I am in the irish madeline laundries, the 12 hung maidens, yes all of them, I am the mother washing the bowl. the ancient bowl, the one we have all washed. There's no reason to define.

In the end there are as many beginnings as I want kiss,


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